One of the hard things about being a novelist is the difficulty of sharing your art with others. Even in the best of circumstances – a willing reader who wants to read your book – it’s going to take them a little while. Then you have the people who say they want to read it and don’t, and they feel guilty and then you feel sort of guilty . . . I’m not complaining about these potential readers. Reading novels is a niche activity; it always has been, and it is more than ever in this super modern world we live in with all its distractions and devices. If anyone actually wants to read my book I am grateful.
My gripe is based on jealousy. Jealousy of the practitioners of every other art form. A visual artist or a musician, it takes someone 30 seconds to look at or listen to their artistic output – okay, I get that chances are the looker or listener still won’t give a shit, but at least in that 30 seconds they got an idea of what that artist does. As a writer you don’t even have that. You’re lucky if your work exists as an abstract concept for most people you know.
This is why, a few years ago, I quit writing for probably the third time. The frustration had built to such an extreme, I felt that writing was pointless and no one cared. Living in L.A. exacerbated this. Los Angeles is shallow and technology-driven and everyone’s reading screenplays, not novels. I stopped writing altogether, tried to throw myself into visual arts. It lasted about a year. It was forced and false and after a while of repression I could no longer deny that I wanted to write novels. I was like a drug addict who put my all into quitting but was unable to resist the lure of old habits.
Now that my first mystery novel Gossip Kills is out for readers to find if they care, the frustrations have eased a little. At least I have something for people to read if they actually want to.
I completely see your conundrum here. I also appreciate such a clearly delineated observation because it's never crossed my mind before. You are absolutely correct. The main point I want to make is don't stop writing due to external frustrations. Writing is obviously something you feel compelled to do. It may be a cliche but the process is more important than the product. Forget everyone else - it just f*cks everything up! What's important is that you have inspiration and a natural flow going. I've had a creative block for decades due to obsessiveness about the final product. If you can steer clear of that you're doing great.
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