Revisiting my journal (reading as I type it) from when I was 17 and 18 has been like discovering a window or a wormhole to myself at those ages. I was still an adolescent: I was rather dramatic and a lot more anxious and negative than (luckily) I am now, but I was also often surprisingly mature (verbally anyway – it’s apparent that I already had a strong relationship to the written word). Reading these missives from the past I’m occasionally struck by how wise I could be.
I was more melodramatic, and while this may be typical of a teenaged girl, it is also one of the parts of myself back then that I’m learning from now. Because, at 18, I saw the world as a symbolic place imbued with significance and double meanings. I suppose life has made me more cynical, and there was a time when I eschewed “magical thinking” (though, honestly, never completely obliterated it).
Reviewing my life at age 18 – an intense transitional time - now, at another transitional time, I am almost envious of my ability then to see life as significant and even magical. Granted I’m happier and more together now and the magical thinking of that time was born of desperation; any envy it causes me now is probably just twisted nostalgia. But if nothing else, it’s so cool to actually get to see clearly and revisit these paradigms my mind shifted away from so long ago.
I know you're short on time right now and we touched on it quickly already but would you consider writing more on your definition of "magical thinking"? Or point me to some reference on the web that you think worth reading?
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm glad we could see you today. We all wanted to celebrate your new life and how you've touched us in the recent past/present. There is so much to look forward to and I wish you much luck, love and fascinating things to mull over and write about.