Beyond those experimental, obsessive years of late adolescence, I never revisited the Tarot cards consistently. When I was twenty my apartment was broken into. The Tarot cards had been (untouched) in my underwear drawer, and the thief, searching for hidden valuables, had pulled the cards out and dumped them, scattered them, all over my bedroom. I remember thinking, while gathering them up, “have these been contaminated now?” It didn’t seem a very fortuitous thing for a supposedly sacred set of cards to have been through. But, I thought, if they have any power or mystery it couldn’t be wiped out simply by a home invader dropping them, could it? So I kept them. I may even have used them in the following years, but that’s a long time ago now so the memories are vague.
I don’t even know how the Tarot cards were in my possession in recent times; I can’t remember if they were in Maine for years then I got them back, or if I’d had them in L.A. all that time and mailed them to myself back east. This is how insignificant they were to me. But then when I was back in Maine going through various tough and confusing times, and finding the old Tarot cards, I decided to try them again. Three, maybe four, times I did them. The results were as inscrutable, vague and in need of serious interpretation as ever, and I just didn’t have the patience for it anymore. Tarot cards may work, they may be a window to the truth. But in order to get there you have to spend so much time thinking about yourself; the expression “naval gazing” comes to mind.
When I was moving this time and I was letting go of things left and right, deciding I didn’t need those Tarot cards anymore was an easy choice. But I wasn’t going to give them to Goodwill. Though I no longer wanted them, they retained personal significance for me; and no one else needs my used Tarot cards. So I threw them in the trash. It was almost a significant moment. Whatever their value or lack of value, those cards had been with me at some emotional times in my life. But I’ve decided to quit keeping things for sentimental value alone, and those Tarot cards just had to go.
I really enjoyed these three entertaining posts about Tarot cards. Once again, it's a topic I know little about and your observations are as interesting as ever. It may be easier to respond to specific comments after each post (which I'd like to do when I'm feeling a little less tired and cranky). I did, however, want to point out the 'bits' I found especially unusual.
ReplyDelete- You chose to throw them in the garbage rather than donate them to someone else (guarding your personal power)? I wonder what would happen if you had burnt them down to ash?
- I agreed with what you said in regards to 'non-professionals' using Tarot - "I think it’s very similar to astrology in that what you get is expressed through words. Words can be interpreted by different people to mean different things, and if a horoscope or a Tarot reading is “supposed” to be significant to you, you will find a way to make the words meaningful."
- What a strange thing - a thief scrounging through your underwear drawer and then scattering the deck all over the floor. How bizarre! That would make a great little vignette in a novel or short story.
- Just curious - did you have any experiences with Tarot that made you feel like you had touched on something larger/greater?